I find myself reflecting on 2010. All in all it wasn't a bad year, although we did loose several beloved animals on the farm this year( Mo, Addy and little Licorice), but our health is good and finances in good order, both of these are blessing especially since so many are suffering with health issues and now in the overwhelmed economy, so many are suffering in the finacial department too. Other blessings are Cortney's job, Mike's change in jobs, my brother moving closer to all of us and the support of good friends and family
Another issue, which weighs heavy on all our hearts, I find myself reflecting on, as 2010 draws to a close, is that of family. Our immediate and extended family relations are nothing like the scenes from
"Little House on the Prairie" or "The Walton's" but have been rather challenging times, to say the least. in May of 2010, our son and his family decided to cut loose the apron strings, while this is expected, not to the extreme they've taken it to. While I'm not a picture perfect parent and Mike admits the same, we did try to be the very best parents we could possibly be to our children. Our goal was to change the things to tried to make life better for our children. Maybe we went to the far to the extreme and instead of giving our children something better, we instead created spoiled hearts. This manner of a spoiled heart lead to a conflict and many accusations of our poor parenting skills from our son. He came out and told Mike that all of his problems were our fault. Now we're not buying that cop out at all, he was raised that he is responsible for his actions, but the way of the world seems to be" It's not my fault, it's somebody elses" Anyway to make a long story shorter, we've been blamed for Jon's withdrawl actions by other extended family as well, it seems when he lived at home, we worked him to hard which made him dislike this farm or that is their opinion anyway. In defense of those accusations, yes Jon worked hard here on our farm and we told him and shared that with everyone. We were proud that he'd grown up to be such a hard worker. He worked beside Mike putting up fences( driving wooden posts by hand, with Mike), helped with clean up around the farm, firewood, and daily chores. He did none of these alone, we all did them.
They say hindsight is 20/20 and foolishly, Mike and I felt that is what families do, work together for the benefit of all. There were personal rewards as well, such as; when Jon helped with the fencing we signed over the title to our 1976 Ford pickup, which he'd longed for his first vehicle.
Since early May 2010 our son has had no communication with us, in fact he has cut off his entire family( immediate, as well as extended), so we've had no contact with our grand daughter, Jayla since she was just a few weeks old. All of this weighs very heavy on our hearts, but we've done all we can do to reconcile our relationship with our son and his family. As we look forward to 2011's arrival we also move forward with our life. If this sounds harsh, let me tell you it feels that way as well, but for our well being we have chosen not to allow this to affect our lives any further, so basically the ball in now in their court and we're praying that Jon and his family will make the next move.
While my prayer is that 2011 is filled with blessing, I find myself hesitating to even say that because my gut feeling is that 2011 is going to be far more challenging, for everyone, especially in the light of our economic collapse( Depression). We feel ever so blessed to be here on our farm, that Mike has a job, our health is good and our prayer is that we pull through all of this, economically and personally.
We're staying home, as we always do. Maybe watching a movie and enjoying some homemade carmel popcorn and hot apple cider.
Happy New Year
21 comments:
God bless you and yours this year and all the years to come. As you know, our Savior never promised an easy journey, just that He'd be there to guide us through.
Hugs to you!
It sounds like a lot more is going on with your son and his family than they are willing to admit. He has chosen to blame you because he can't own his own failures. This generation is one that believes the world "owes" them something. That they don't have to work for anything. They want handouts. They believe it's their right. Hang in there, there will be some tough years, (yes, years) but in time I think he will realize he has been sadly mistaken about so many things and issues and will return to you, needing advise and money and love. I pray that you have lots of strength to deal with this, and stay YOUR course. It will end one day...Many hugs...debbie HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY!!
Thanks for the little update. Families are complicated. Do your best. That is all Heavenly Father would ask.
Happy New Year,
Melissa
Honey, We are the same way with our children. We don't expect anything more from them than we do of ourselves. While hubby and I was sick this week; I noticed the kids though were not as quick on the uptake as; we still were with daily chores. I think Happy Days has a point too; once your son struggles to support his own family soley for awhile. He too will come to realize how much he appreciates the work ethic you have instilled. I will keep your all in my heart and prayers.
Much love,
Happy New Year
Mal
I have had almost the same experience with my one daughter. I was really hurt (that was when I had stopped blogging for a while.) But have decided that I must go on with my life and what they do with their life, they do. But she is starting to talk to me and is letting me see my grandkids again. So hang in there, they will be back. The going is rough in the mean time but you must go on. And there are no perfect parents (I've finally convinced myself) but we try to do our best and that reason is just a cop out because they do need to blame someone. I'll be praying. Have a Joyous New Year.
Don't let your heart become too discouraged. Most parents bring up their children the best way they know how and too often the influences of the world get in the way. Leave your family in God's hands. He will do what is best and perhaps bring your son around, again. There was nothing wrong in teaching your son to work hard; some day, he will see that. May the Lord bless and guide you this coming year.
Hi Janet from Singingwoods here. My kids..kids? grown kids age 22 to 31 have said a few times things that really dug in..hurt. As I recently told my X sis in law not to listen to the mean ramblings her grown 29 yr old says to her. (he tells her she was a bad Mother and wouldnt let her see her Grand kids till they were 4 yrs old and now she dosent really have a bond with them..she is quite decent too)I told her it was a load of tosh to say such mean wicked things to a parent. The Lord said to "honor your parents". Your Son is hurting for some reason and sometimes all we can do is leave it in His hands. I have a close Scottish friend, and she told me her daughter (grown with young kids) wouldnt have anything to do with her for a few years. But with prayer the Lord can make the change and did for her. She told me Janet its all a test. And it is isnt it? Will we pray to the Lord over this will we wait on Him? Will we lean on the One who holds our very lives in His hand? Many huggs across the miles to you...ox
Hoping the new year brings your family closer... just know you did the best that you could at the time and that is all that matters. praying that all goes well:)
I hope you have a blessed 2011.
I am sorry for your troubles with your son. Family knows how to get you. I am in the same boat, only it is my Father. 2 years after my Mother died my father remarried. He took my mother's death really hard and pretty much stayed inside the house for 2 years. When he started going back to church and see people again, he meet and married a divorced woman within 3 months. We were all thrilled, until she started getting rid of everything that had to do with my mother. Not things, people. She convinced my dad the church was against her and him and they stopped going. She would not let us talk to my dad, saying it was because we upset him and made his heart problems act up. If his sister lets us know my dad is in the hospital, she gets cut off too. We have tried to mend the fence for 7 years to no avail. My father is hard of hearing now (he is in his late 70s) and doesn't hear the phone, so she answers it and doesn't even tell him we called. He thinks we have abandoned him. They live in the country and to get to their house you have to go through the fenced yard, and for "protection from crime"she has gotten rotwhilers dogs.
We have had to move on with our lives for our health. Sorry to burden you with my problems.
You have raised your son well and he will come to his senses, as he finds out what it is like to be a parent. That is what happened with Jack's son and I know it will happen with yours as well. I will keep praying that it happens soon.
Sending you love and prayers.
I pray that you will be blessed in the coming New Year and that God will do what only He can to mend the broken places.
We all have these areas in our lives.
Bless you~
Carrie
Oh, Kelle, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. But it is your son who will ultimately have the burden. You're doing the right thing to move on and let him play out his own drama. That's what the Prodigal Son's father had to do when his son took off. It's all you can do.
My son's wife cut us off a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama in their marriage at the time, the vast majority of it money stress. She ended up taking their two boys and leaving him which broke my son's heart. She sued him for divorce and we loaned him money (that we really didn't have) for an attorney. She later dropped the divorce and they reconciled but she disowned us. She was mad because 'we could pay for an attorney but couldn't give them money for bills' ... but we had already given them thousands. They moved two states away and my son would offer to run errands with the boys on the weekends so he could call me and let me talk to him and the boys. It was heartbreaking but he assured me his wife would come around. Three months later, my son died in his sleep of an aneurysm. His wife held the memorial service here since her family was here too and she was civil, even somewhat compassionate toward us at the service. But she has been hot and cold ever since. She has been living with a man since two months after the memorial service. I have not seen my grandsons in almost two years. I call every week, but she's only answered the phone a handful of times and never calls back if I leave a message. It breaks my heart but what can I do?
It doesn't sound to me like your son was resentful or ungrateful when he was growing up. Whatever is influencing him now ...the world, his wife, whatever ...the boy you knew and loved is still in there. Your family is in my prayers.
Thank you all for your kind, caring and compassionate replies.
We know that it isn't just happening to our family and by some of your replies we see that you too have felt the hurt and pain too. I'm not sure what caused this to fester to the point of no contact and I know the blame is not 100% anyones fault, but we have reached out to no avail. This is upsetting to all of us and plain and simple we're no longer going to let it be upsetting. I do regret the loss of relationship with our grandchild, but a friend of ours has adopted us as grandparents to her children and they just informed us that we'll be grandpaents again in Sept. :o)
It may sound bad, but your stories of family problems shared, is of comfort to us. Especially the knowledge that it turned around in many cases.
Jon and his family are in our daily prayers, we've just accepted that we are powerless and have turned it over to God.
Thank you again for your comments, compassion, support and prayers.
Kelle
Thank you for your kind word on the death of my friend. I hope and pray your son has some sort of experience in his life that will help him be thankful for the way you raised him. Best of luck in the new year. May your son's heart be softened this year.
i'm happy for the positives in your life, but sad about the situation with your son and grandchild. from the outside, it sounds as if you raised your son well with the values of hard work and responsibility. i'm sorry he feels as if he is a victim. hopefully, he'll understand he can't blame his past on his feelings and will mature and you all will have a renewed relationship. praying for you for this. Happy New Year to you all and hope this year is not harder, but better and more blessed!
Good luck this year and our prayers are with you and yours. I hope you reach the goals you set and you come out smelling like roses.
Oh! by the way, the wife really wants to make that drive too.
Everyone parents differently and you surely did an excellent job. Unfortunately, there is a portion of our society that feels "entitled." We can go round and round discussing "entitled" in a political sense. It's hard for us parents who teach personal responsibility to combat the "entitled" atmosphere of the current political environment. So, I will not get political except to say I hope the country wakes up to realize that we all win, parents and children, old and young, and will be successful when we are all honest, pay our own bills, stay out of debt, carry our own weight in this society, and love each other to the fullest.
Warm hugs,
Lois
I typed a long comment, but deleted it. All I can say is don't blame yourself.
I could blame my parents for all my problems, and do a pretty good job justifying it too, even though I know it isn't true. I think most people could.
Your son is focused on the problems and not the good. He may or may not come around, but I say fukkim. Don't let it reduce your happiness.
Oh yeah, I came over to say Happy New Year!
Again Thank you for your support, prayers and compassion.
I agree that the society's mentality is of "entitlements" and without getting into details that is exactly the trap he's fallen into, even though he was raised totally opposite of that way of thinking. We've prayed about this alot and our best guess is that because of the entitlements, he is living the EASY life, or so he thinks, wait until everything implodes and the entitlements are no longer there. My, personal prayer is that he'll wake up and remember that he was taught strong work ethics and he does know how to stand on his own two feet, it's just going to require a lot of effort on his part*sigh*
I know you are only hearing our side of this, but I've been very careful as to how I related it to you, so that it doesn't sound like a whine, or like I'm trying to get people to take sides. We just can't figure it out and it's been heavy on our hearts for 6+ months and we needed to release the hurt of it.
I will admit, that it hurts deeply and I, personally, feel betrayed and I admit over time it's eaten at me until I'm angry and that isn't what I want at all. This is the reason we're pulling back and moving forward, I no longer wish to dwell on it, nor become more angry and bitter over it.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences with us. Sadly some of you haven't been given the chance to resolve the problem and it's my prayer that, that doesn't happen in our case either, but God is in control of it now.
Many Blessings to each of you,
Mike, Kelle and Cortney
Kelle, I'm praying for your son, and for both families. Surely, as he grows in becoming a parent himself, he will realize his foolishness. I hope at that time you will have opportunity to reunite and grow your relationship with your grandchild.
I think many of us have gone through times of rebellion within family, and have deeply regretted it later. Just keep showing the love as you can, and wait for him.
Each and every parent has those times we wonder if we 'should have done things differently' - or times we out and out wish we had parented differently. There are no perfect parents, or perfect kids. We all learn and grow with time.
Dear Kelle,
We raised 5 children here and made many mistakes along the way. Our children helped build our home when they were young, a huge task and kept us occupied every single day for one year. They handled every board in this house, as well as learning electrical, plumbing, etc. To this day, they say we worked the tar out of them, but they are also so proud when they bring someone here and say, we did this. I, like you, believe that the home is a family affair, all should pitch in and help keep it up.
If this is your son's first child, I guarantee you that within the first few years of her life, he will realize a lot about himself and the sacrifices you all have made over many years. Give it some time. I hope you have a wonderful new year. I always enjoy your posts.
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